Monday, March 12, 2012

needing validation

I am wearing a lot of hats these days.

Currently I am juggling:

Assistant Teaching at a Chicago University (yay! I'm so blessed!)
Assistant Directing (yay! I'm so blessed!)
Grant Writing (Yay I'm so blessed to be a part of a theater company! We need money!)
A booming Etsy Shop (Yay! I'm so blessed...orders are up 10x's what they were last year!)
Other ensemble duties, writing a play, auditions, submissions for auditions, coaching, job hunting, book club, and an exciting new media project with my cousin...and those are just my "part-time jobs" because as everyone knows my FULL time job is being a stay at home mom for the cutest little platinum haired 16 month boy I know...Gunnar (who was full of snuggles and cuddles today. SAHMing and is usually amazing but can have some very challenging moments as all parents can understand...and makes getting ANYTHING done feel a little bit like climbing Mt Everest).

I do a lot of work.

In all the things I do there is very little validation for the hard work I put forth. Hugs and kisses from baby G are awesome but I don't exactly get a 'You're doing the Best you can Mom' when I can't get him to nap.  Call backs are great, though not always fulfilling because I don't always book the job. Etsy has a feedback section which allows me to receive some feedback from my customers but only about 50% of customers actually leave feedback...and generally it's just a (+) with out any comments. (There is the rare exception of a customer that goes out of there way to send a photo and explain how much they appreciate my work...which certainly makes every order worth it)...but that's about all I can count on.

It sucks.

We all need validation from time to time. So I need to start patting myself on the back. My work isn't always fact it almost always isn't. But it's the effort I put forth that is most important. And I need to remind myself that every step I make forward is progress towards a larger goal. It is just hard to see right the thick of everything.

Sometimes I think, because I am doing so many things, I'm not doing any one thing exceedingly well... .and that is a tough nut to swallow. But I am hoping that with every step comes more experience and with more experience comes more knowledge and that knowledge will hopefully lead to mastery.  Funny to think that I am a "Master" at acting...according to the degree which has yet to be framed and mounted on my wall. Yet acting is the one "job" that triggers all self doubt in my abilities.  Which is ridiculous...because as I was teaching just the other day..."acting is completely subjective" and therefore I should never rest my hopes for validation on anyone but myself.

Good Job Kirstin...You're doing good work...Keep it Up!


  1. i was just telling zach the other day what a great mom you are!! i'm glad you are patting yourself on the back!