Dear Blake Montgomery,
I am about to commit a theatrical cardinal sin AGAIN and apologize AGAIN for the unprofessional ridiculous audition that occurred tonight at approximately 8:16pm. There is no excuse for the awful way I conducted myself in your audition room this evening. I am utterly embarrassed and ashamed for second guessing myself and questioning my monologue and then getting in my head and starting over and then changing my piece on you when I totally could have ROCKED the first if I had just remembered to BREATHE!
Sure, I only got the notice of this audition at 1pm today and wasn't able to start working on it until 4pm...but that shouldn't have shook me up. I AM a professional afterall...I swear! I know "The Rover" like the back of my hand. When I pulled out my dusty monologue book this afternoon (after a year off from theater gigs due to prominent pregnant belly and then 6 months of infant care) I knew exactly how to tackle that piece again. In fact...I was quite excited about performing this piece and was excited to have FUN with it again. I had a good 2 hours to work on it, thanks to my lovely in-laws who were in town (lucky for me) and able to babysit my 6 month old while I re-prepared this Restoration classic. So WHY did I F%#@ it up??? I have NO idea! Never mind that this was only my second audition in the Chicago area since moving here...I SHOULD HAVE HANDLED MYSELF BETTER! And I DO NOT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!!! I'm sorry.
Your theater seemed really awesome (I can't say for certain because I haven't seen any shows there--don't blame me...remember I just moved to Chicago) but I can say that I think it's flippin' awesome that you're currently doing a Shelia Callaghan play because I think she is the Cat's Pajamas and writes with reckless abandon and if I weren't married or straight I'd like to make out with her because she's really cute and wears cool glasses and well she's freakin' brilliant. Your theater's mission statement really excited me and I loved that you were allowing people to audition through movement and not just text (maybe I should have done that...in hindsight)...because I love movement based theater and would viewpoint my way through life if it were socially accepted. I am figuratively kicking myself in the head for screwing up this audition because I really would have loved to come to your workshop/callback...because I think those are the coolest kind of callbacks and would have loved to see/experience how you work with actors.
I know I wasn't impressive this evening. I know I made a fool of myself. If you gave me a second chance I promise I'd be more than impressive. But since that is EXTREMELY unlikely...you might just have to take my word for it.
Apologetically yours (Sorry for apologizing, again! I know...),
MFA in Acting
(yeah...not feeling the Master in that Fine Arts degree tonight...but I swear...I am...a master...or can be...when I remember to Breathe...which is usually...maybe when I am more emotionally prepared to be at an audition...which I will be...if you EVER choose to call me in again...which I hope you do. I'm done now...I swear.)