I feel like a terrible mommy.
Why? Because I can't seem to do anything right for Gunnar today. And this has sort have been growing over the last 3 days....but he is just so fussy all the time. I am just beside myself. I want to throw in the towel. And I know it has everything to do with SLEEP.
The first week or so of Gunnar sleeping sans swaddle was heaven...he was sleeping 6-8 hours straight and everything was glorious. Now suddenly we're back to newborn sleeping schedules. I mean the kid wakes up screaming every 1-3 hours at night and he's lucky to get 30 minute naps in during the daytime.
I don't know if he's teething, has a tummy ache, is going through a growth spurt or if he is just testing me...but I am soooooo exhausted and today I have no patience.
I hate this.
As I am writing this G is screaming his head off in his crib. But what can I do? He really isn't sleeping and neither am I. I am beyond exhausted and I can't focus. I have a perpetual headache and I just don't know how to be a better mom today.
I'm sure every mom goes through these kind of days...and often. But this is the first time that I feel absolutely lousy. It seems like everything I try: changing his diaper, feeding him, shhhshhing him, rocking him, bouncing him nothing will make him happy. I've even resorted to teething rings, trying to force him to take a nuk, to re-swaddle him...I'm a desperate mommy wanting sleep results to no avail.
I took G out to run some errands because I knew he'd fall asleep in the car...but that was it. As soon as the car slowed to a stop he woke up screaming again. And this mommy just can't drive around all day when she's this tired...Chicago drivers are too unpredictable and it just isn't safe to drive tired.
He doesn't have a fever. He doesn't have any cold symptoms. It could be a tummy ache but I get burps out of him and he still cries. What is an exhausted mommy to do? How long can I really let him 'cry it out' in his crib? And is this really humane?
My husband thinks the big culprit here is his new talent of rolling over. Which could be quite a bit of the problem. I mean he's constantly flipping around in the crib and he seems to be angriest when he's on his tummy. I'm not sure if his crying in the middle of the night results from waking up on his tummy and not having the strength to roll back to his side or back and he's crying out of frustration. But this doesn't explain why he's crying while I'm feeding him and crying while getting a diaper change, etc. Acid reflux? Maybe...but sleeping on his tummy should actually feel better.
I'm lost, tired and feeling like a terrible mommy. I'm really trying to remind myself to be loving toward him today despite my frustration and exhaustion but I'm afraid I'm not doing the best job. Gunnar, mommy loves you soooo much!! Please SLEEP!!!