Saturday, March 19, 2011

The Plague of Mommyhood

In response to telling some cashier at Target that I was pregnant last year, she said "Ahhh... stock up on chicken noodle soup and green tea. When you're a mom you're sick all the time." I remember laughing along with her but thinking, whatever that can't be all that true. But now I'm beginning to understand.

Sickness has hit the Hammergren household once again.  I'd been noticing signs of sickness in Gunnar for days but didn't realize the extent of it until John started feeling ill two days ago and I began to feel it last night. Ugh. This is the 3rd illness that has attacked our home since Gunnar was born (we're normally quite healthy people, I swear). Great timing too. Just what I want to bring with me to Florida, a cold...and even worse, a baby with a cold.  I'm not sure how Gunnar got this illness but I'm certain that my immune system grabbed onto it because of my lack of sleep.

I think my body has forgotten how to sleep long stretches.  I can't remember the last time I slept longer than 3 hours at a time.  This is the plague of my mommyhood.  No matter how morbid it sounds...I'm constantly convinced something tragic is happening to my baby.  Maybe because he seems just too good to be true...I'm just constantly on edge.  The most common thought that runs through my head at any given point... "IS HE BREATHING?"  I don't know if it's the scare tactics they drill into your head during baby classes about SIDS or what but I can't get this thought out of my head.  So when I don't hear him...I think "He's not breathing!" Completely illogical. Ridiculous, I know! But I can't shake these thoughts out of my head.

And sooooo I get up, out of bed. Every 2-3 hours....even when he's still sleeping away. Sometimes I work myself up so much that I can't get back to sleep. And I lie in my bed and wonder...does every mom do this?? Or am I completely crazy?!

Thankfully, due to this icky illness...last night I was in a coma of sorts and slept in solid 3 hour increments before waking with the morbid thoughts.  And thankfully, after checking in on G to make sure he was *sigh* breathing...I was able to fall right back to sleep.  But I'm just hoping I can learn to relax a little more and allow my body to sleep the way I did when I was pregnant (before the uncomfortable period). 

Luckily I have the sweetest little boy. Despite sniffles, sneezing, coughs and likely a pretty sore throat...Gunnar is still all smiles and giggles. Eating and sleeping more as he should...but happy when he's awake.


  1. Miriam had a cold last week that turned into an ear infection this week. She started an antibiotic on Thursday and is almost back to her normal self today. She laughed at dinner tonight and I realized I hadn't heard her sweet giggle in more than a week! Sickness really isn't any fun. Fortunately, I think you get more antibodies as a mommy as time goes on. I no longer get every cold the kids have. Thank goodness!! Hope you feel better soon and that your flights go well even with little mister cutie sniffles. :-)

  2. Kirstin I've started looking forward to your blog every day! lol. So far we've avoided all but 2 colds by not leaving the house...

    I vow to hit the gym once we're done with all these travels though, so I anticipate I'll be singin' the blues with all y'all.

    Re: Sleep I wake up wondering if he's been kidnapped, but not so much if he's still breathing. But even if I'm not worried about him, I wake up anyway. I wonder if this is how it happens to the elderly... they were all fine until they became parents... and then their ability to sleep through the night just never did recover... sigh.

  3. I'm with you, Kirstin! I can't sleep more than four hours at a time it seems. And to think I used to complain about 7 hours, or think I hadn't gotten enough after 8. Crazy!

    Hope you feel better soon!

    BTW-Today I talked to the girl who took over for your dad when he retired. She said he is totally the reason she's a counselor today. Cool story. What a great impact he had!

  4. We have an angel care monitor that tells us Chloe is breathing. I would be like you if it weren't for that. Maybe you can find one on craigslist for cheap if you don't want to pay too much.

  5. It gets better. With Lidunn I did the same thing...woke up all the time to make sure she was breathing. But eventually, I think it was around 6 months, I started to relax. I still got up once in a while but not nearly as often. You too will eventually trust that G is ok and be able to sleep better although it never completely goes away. Just last night I heard Brynje coughing in the middle of the night and when he stopped I got the 'What if he has something in his mouth/throat and is coughing because he is choking'. So, out of bed I went to check on him even though it was the middle of the night and logically I knew there was nothing in his mouth =) -Kendra