Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Mommy Fail...

You know those days when no matter what you do you can't seem to put one foot in front of the other? Despite your hopes for a productive day you can't seem to pull yourself up and get going? And every time you look at the clock and think Geeze what am I doing? I'm wasting the day away... just then another random thought takes over in your brain and you're trapped in La-La land again where one random thought crashes into another leading nowhere like a worm hole of useless words bashing around in your brain...and then all of sudden you look at the clock and 45 minutes have gone by and you have no idea what happened and the cycle continues...You know those days? Well if you don't...welcome to my world (sometimes...I have ADD, no seriously I do...). This is why it's a good idea for Kirstin to make TO DO lists. That was my first Mommy Fail of the day...no TO DO list...

And then of course there was the Nap situation.

I'm pretty sure I could grade my days as a mother based on my ability to get Gunnar to nap. Like Yesterday I'd give myself a B+. We did pretty well. We got 2 full long 1.5 hour + naps out of G and we only missed our shorter late afternoon cat nap (which usually lasts a mere 20-30 minutes or less).  But overall...we did quite well.

Today? Ha...um today was a different story. I woke up around 7:30 when John was leaving for work...he told me G was up and playing in his crib.  

Crap.

I hate it when I have no concept of when the kid woke up because then I don't know what time he needs to go back down...this was a bad start. But, usually he can put himself down for his morning nap so I decided I'd give him a diaper change, turn on his sleep sheep and let him figure out when he'd need to nap...besides, I was feeling tired still and desperately wanted/needed to crawl back in bed.

So I got him up...changed his very poopy diaper (glad I decided to do that) and then nursed him a little before kissing him and telling him mommy was going back to bed. He smiled at me and rubbed his eyes and I figured...good...he'll sleep. Of course when I left the room he started to cry. But he usually cries when he's over-tired so I figured it wouldn't last long.

So I crawled back in bed...decided to read a bit until the crying stopped so I knew he was sleeping. Well I finished a chapter in my book and the crying had stopped...but now I heard him babbling. Well, at least he's happy...he'll fall asleep soon I'm sure...so I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

I woke up 45 minutes later to...more babbling. Had he slept? I don't know...I doubt it...even so, it wasn't long enough for his morning nap. Aggh. So I decided to wait it out...he's got to put himself back to sleep soon. So I made myself a latte and grabbed a slice of the banana bread I made yesterday and headed to the computer to check my email, facebook, etc.

Before I knew it 45 minutes had gone by and I hadn't heard anything from G. He must be sleeping! So I go to check on him...NOPE! Still playing in his crib...silently.  AGHHH! Now what?  By this time it's nearly 11am and I don't think he's slept a wink since at least 7:30am...MOMMY FAIL!!!! S.O.S....this is BAD! I haven't even done anything with my day and I'm feeling so guilty for just leaving my kid to his own devices in the crib for over 2 hours.

Now what? Well I'm sure he needs a diaper change...so I decide to fish him out of the crib, change him and ummm wear him out on the floor...yeah! That sounds like a good idea...let him crawl around until he's exhausted and rubbing his eyes and begging for a nap...it can't take too long right? He's been awake for far too long...I should see tired signs in NO TIME. Right?

So I put G on the floor and spread toys out at different parts of the room...make him work for his toys! I get on the floor with him...but then the mind starts to drift again. I swear I'm watching him, enjoying him...but my mind is in La-La Land...maybe because I'm desperately looking, waiting to see a tired sign on a kid that is WIRED! Before I know it...it's 12:45 pm! What? Ahhh! I am such a Bad MOMMY!!! Get the kid back in his crib NOW. When was the last time I fed him? Why won't he tell me he's tired? Hungry or poopy? Ahhh! 

So...quick diaper change and then I nurse him...and FINALLY he falls asleep. I'm not proud that it happened while nursing (this feels like cheating) but oh well...at least he's sleeping. It's 1:00pm. Now maybe I can finally start my day....

I take a shower. Let's start over. Be productive...

No motivation. La-land returns. Cat vomits on new rug...

I hate this day...

Next.

2 comments:

  1. I freakin' love you! That is all : )

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  2. dont beat yourself up because your little baby is HAPPY! It might seem out of character for him and off schedule to not get tired early. But the way you described it, he seemed to be in a great mood all morning....so happy baby= GREAT mommy! I love reading your posts :)

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